COVID has left a deep mark on our everyday life. What do you take with you into your new 'normal' everyday life?
- What are your plans this weekend? The cashier asked me politely as I stood in line at Irma. Not to snitch; just to chat a little. I stared back at him for a moment without reacting, completely unprepared for small talk with a stranger. It had been so long since I had chatted with a stranger that I had to think twice.
- Not much - take a walk around Kronborg, maybe," I replied. But then I thought, oh no, have I shared too much? Is it too personal? Or was the cashier just trying to create something completely normal, namely small talk, after a long shutdown?
It felt like I had forgotten the most basic skills of meeting other people after the last 15 months, even though I have always been a bit of a chatterbox. That moment of discomfort followed me for several days, because I was surprised. In a world seemingly headed for a "new normal" - would I be able to do that too?
Nothing I've experienced this past year is normal
But then again, what exactly is "normal" for a size? Nothing I've experienced this past year is normal, and I don't know a single person whose life hasn't been affected by COVID in some way. The pandemic is now part of who I am, filled with worry for my loved ones, uncertainty about the future and anxiety about returning to society.
I don't think I'm alone. Therapists and doctors talk about the collective trauma of social isolation as opposed to our needs as social creatures. I have managed the deprivation and loneliness by channeling more love and attention to my children. I have made an extra effort to get in touch with family, right from the early quarantine days, when we didn't see each other but met on Zoom for dinner and the Friday bar, and to now having a new tradition of eating together on selected weekdays. Nothing fancy. Just a good meal together and on a trip with each other. I tried to fill the social gap by looking at people when I went for a walk. Without getting too close, without talking to them. Quite strange.
On top of that, when everything has been out of our control - along with a massive trauma - the narrative of "normal" sounds enticing. Returning to pre-pandemic days is familiar and comforting: after all, it's the only thing we've ever known. It is safe, secure and reliable. But what exactly was it like?
"What we needed to survive was all of us together and working together."
But even before COVID, did “normal” seem like the right thing? I'm not entirely convinced.
The pandemic highlighted major cracks in our individualistic society. In those early weeks, as we tried to fend for ourselves, it became clear that our collective survival would require more than one person's leadership or one city's participation. What we needed to survive was for us all to work together.
Days that were once filled with daily small talk and meeting many different people have now changed to be about our most important and closest relationships. In previous years, a high level of activity and demanding jobs were glamorized - but now we have been forced to balance closeness, rest and tranquility alongside it.
That's why we can't go back to normal - and that's why the "new" normal is important. Instead of resetting the clock and going back to our previous lives in 2020, we must imagine a different future after COVID.
Maybe this is our chance to rewrite what "normal" should be, even if it seems new and scary? The new normal can be a so-called safe space: A safe space with room for all the emotions - frustration, anxiety and sadness - we have recently experienced. It can be a place where we are healed, where we have to remind ourselves that there is not a single person who has not been affected. So whether we want to stay in the COVID mode a little longer or are eager to change our everyday lives, is that OK?
The new normal may replace hustle and bustle with calm and patience, time for reflection and gratitude for something as simple as fresh air. The new thing is the time for an extra long hug with a parent. Savoring every bite of food at a restaurant or kilometer driven on a road trip, which would have been unthinkable just a few months ago. To remember that there is hope ahead.
We have to get used to the fact that the new normal is a daily or perhaps just an hourly experience. One that embraces slowness in the days when we get used to new routines instead of jumping full circle back to the old, perhaps bad, habits. Where we look at what is worth keeping from the COVID shutdown or creating new ones, like helping each other more or making the home workplace more permanent. Where even the most social of us can re-emerge, fundamentally different, but bravely discarding the old and looking towards new horizons.
Healing is deeply personal
We have been through a collective trauma, and the healing will be deeply personal. Let's drop the expectation of returning to "normal" and instead look out for each other and move quietly at our own pace. After all, it is the only real way we will be healed.
When I think of the cashier's answer to my weekend plans - a gentle laugh because there were many of us walking around Kronborg separately - I am grateful for his question. I was probably one of many he chatted with that day, and I'm thankful he did, even though I wasn't prepared. He is just an example of how I will get back on track.
So will I go back to "normal"? Maybe not, but I'm also not sure that's what I would have done if I had the chance. But will I move on towards a new "normal"? Yes, definitely.
What does your new normal everyday life look like? What do you take with you from the shutdowns that you want to use in your new everyday life?
